How are you today? Doing OK here. So I met with the Oncologist today and my next surgery is on May 5, ugh I just want it all over with!
So a bit more on our Infertility story...starting from the beginning.
We tried and tried to have a baby, my friends and family were starting families and the heartache and happiness clashed, happy for them and heartbroken at home.
The endless questions began; good intentioned people asking heartbreaking questions, sometimes nosy people asking rude questions!
Don't you want kids
Yes, with all my heart!
How come you don't have kids.
We are struggling daily with infertility.
Don't you want to be a mom?
It is the greatest desire of my heart.
Oh you are one of "those" couples.
No, we are not choosing to not be parents.
You can always adopt.
We tried twice, both fell through, I cannot go through that pain again.
You are pro life so just adopt.
It's not that easy! If it were everyone would, I would adopt a house full if I could have!
What other peoples babies aren't good enough for you?
Of course they are all children are precious gifts from God.
The list goes on and on....
In the end all the prayers and pleading led to a barren womb.
The Lord gives and the Lord takes away, Blessed be the name of the Lord.
The 2 failed adoption attempts were devastating to us, after they fell through I wanted to be a foster Mom, Lee however felt he couldn't do it and he felt it would be to hard on both of us when the children we were loving and caring for were moved to another home or went back to bad situations, I agreed and disagreed with him. We talked, cried, prayed and sought counseling about it and in the end it was something we had to agree to disagree on.
Every holiday I would cry in private and grieve for the children I wanted to do so many special things for.
After a few years the tears became less and the hole in my heart closed.
Acceptance is hard and I still have my moments, but accepted it I have.
I am ok with all of it. I am ok with being a family of 2.
The end of this will be on May 5 with a hysterectomy, nothing more final than that!